My life with FGM: Aisha’s story

43 years ago, there was a girl born into this world under the heat of the Sudanese sun. She was born like most girls are born into this world – two arms, two legs, a healthy beating heart, and shrieking, reassuringly, when air first expanded her tiny lungs. This little girl’s mother must have frantically checked that little new born body a thousand times in those first minutes, as mothers do. I can imagine her breathing a sigh of relief when she finds her girl with all ten fingers and toes. For being a girl is enough trouble. But not as much trouble as it is for sonless households – little Aisha was born with an older brother. In those first minutes of Aisha’s life, 43 years ago, when worries fled out of respect, I imagine Aisha’s mother’s heart uttered Alhamdulilllah.

Little Aisha grew healthily into a happy toddler. But not before she and her family left the Sudanese sun behind for the Saudi Arabian sun. Life for Aisha continued on in Saudi Arabia much as it did in Sudan. The world turns, in those early years of life, somehow both achingly slow and blindingly fast. It’s a frustrating contradiction we must all bear at that age. Playtime is too short, punishment too long – there are not enough bananas and too much liver. In this precious innocence Aisha explored the world around her and grew into a precocious toddler, a daddy’s girl. She would tell you now, ‘I was happy then.’

But she might also tell you, ‘this changed when I was five years and six months old.’

Aisha is 43 now. She wears her loose flowing veil around her head. She rearranges it dozens of times a day. She has wide eyes and a smile so genuine and pure that it makes you believe she’s never seen a hard day in her life. She bustles around her kitchen making tea and fresh-squeezed juice for her friends. And she will appreciate it when I say that her hummus and falafel are next to none. But appreciation or not, it is true. If you were imagining this kind, bundle of a woman somewhere in Saudi Arabia or Sudan you’d be wrong. Life has led her elsewhere.

Perhaps one day you might find yourself in blustry Scotland and near a bus stop in Edinburgh. If you did, you could feasibly get on one of two particular buses, ride for 20 minutes, and find yourself right near her door. When you arrive you may find her hosting friends, ironing her sheets (which I still can’t get her to stop doing), praying, planning her social enterprise’s next board meeting, or you might not find her there at all. If she’s not there she is probably zooming around the city, volunteering, working out at the gym, or speaking at events.

But depending on the day, it is possible that you could also find her somewhere else entirely. If you are looking for Aisha – Aisha with the kind smile, Aisha the daddy’s girl – you must look in places altogether unexpected. There are many days in which you will find her painfully fighting her demons in cognitive behavioural therapy, or having her genitalia examined by a reconstructive surgeon, or having nightmares spurned on by post-traumatic stress disorder. You might even find her mid-panic attack or in the throes of hypomania.

Aisha is a survivor of female genital mutilation. From the age of five years and 6 months old she has been surviving. She is still surviving.

But not everything did.

If you were to ask her today what did not survive FGM she might first say: “My unborn children didn’t survive. My marriages didn’t survive.”

Although she physically survived FGM, as many victims do not, throughout her life much of herself did not.

Every day she has had to learn and re-learn again how to revive the parts of her that have had a hard time surviving FGM: her self-confidence, peace of mind, happiness, security, relationship with her mother, trust in authority figures, self-worth, self-control, ability to say no, ability to stand up for herself, mental stability, and her physical health – all of these things, at countless points in her life, did not survive FGM. She still fights every day for their survival.

Aisha was not born with this unique struggle; it was inflicted upon her by those she trusted– in a matter of minutes. Young girls around the world just like Aisha have their lives and bodies irreparably altered in those minutes. For many girls, those are their last minutes. For Aisha, those minutes straddled two lives, one of carefree happiness, and the other which contained a happiness she had to work for – a happiness she had to convince herself daily, sometimes by the second, that she was worthy of.

—-

This is the first in a multi-part series that will chronicle Aisha’s story. It can be a sad story, that is certain. It can also be disheartening and disturbing. But if you were to ask Aisha, it is a story of hope and survival. And once she finishes telling it, I’m almost certain that she will bustle off to another meeting, or to pray, perhaps to call her beloved father, or to make fresh juice for another dear visiting friend – smiling all the while, one minute at a time.

Advertisements

Progress Report: Sept. 12th FGM event planning meeting

On Tuesday September 12th the 16 Days organising committee held a planning meeting for a 2-day female genital mutilation (FGM) event. This event will be held during this year’s 16 Days of action against gender-based violence (GBV). The official dates of this event are pending but, tentatively, it will be held on the 29th and 30th of November.

This initial meeting was attended by:

Elaine Galbraith (Police Scotland)

Nahla Awad (individual/Bright Choices volunteer)

Dounia Ouizem (Amina-the Muslim Women’s Resource Centre)

Bob Wright (Edinburgh Napier University)

Oonagh O’Brien (Queen Margaret University)

Bryan McNeill (UK Border Force)

Jerusalem Barnabas (Waverley Care)

Niharika Puri (Edinburgh Napier University)

Hannah Lawrence (St. Andrews University)

and conducted by Angela Voulgari (Sacro, Bright Choices)

There were also many other supporters not in attendance who we will be following up with separately to get their input on the meeting discussions.

The meeting itself was very fruitful with most attendees giving great suggestions about the nature of the FGM event – such as venue options, target audience, interactive versus tutorial style presentation, etc. Although, again, everything is still in tentative stages, there was unanimous agreement that the FGM event be interactive and cater to a diverse audience of professionals, FGM survivors, third-sector workers, general public, politicians, etc. Additionally, it was unanimously expressed that the event should further try to address the complexity of tackling FGM.

FGM lies at a crossroads of many dearly held value systems – including religion, culture, and family. Therefore the solution to the problem of FGM- and indeed the source of the problem itself- is notoriously difficult to identify, much less tackle. And it was stressed by those present at the meeting that this FGM event should attempt to diversify people’s perceptions of FGM, the survivors of FGM, as well as the perpetrators (and perpetuators) of this practice. Because, like anything, there is no black and white concept of good and bad. None of us make decisions in a vacuum or are immune to the forces around us that were formed by the powers that be – powers that can be oppressive and reality-distorting.

Through this event, we look forward to contributing to a more multi-dimensional understanding of FGM, its consequences, and possible solutions. As we continue to gather input from all our supporters in the coming weeks and months, accordingly we will update the blog with more concrete information regarding the evolution of our FGM event.

Until then!

– 16 Days Team

(Featured photo: FGM awareness session run by the African Union Mission to Somalia at the Walalah Biylooley refugee camp, Mogadishu)

 

Progress report: July 27th planning meeting

On July 27th the 16 Days action plan committee (Nika, Nhabeela, Angela, and myself (Hannah)) held a meeting (at Sacro’s head office) to alert potential collaborators and partners to our intentions for 2017’s 16 days of activism between November and December. We were lucky enough to be joined by numerous influential organisations and institutions in Scotland, including, Scottish Prison Service, Widening Access, Widening Participation (Edinburgh Napier University), Edinburgh and Lothian Regional Equality Council (ELREC),  Crown Office & Procurator Fiscal Service, Bright Red Triangle, and Sacro itself.

IMG_6774

After Angela spoke briefly about the conception of our idea to take part in UN Women’s 16 days of action, Hannah gave a short presentation on gender-based violence (GBV) and its prevalence in the UK and wider world as well as our general action plan and list of themes to cover during the 16 days. The presentation featured a video on a few GBV statistics as well as a short message from the Director of UN Women on the importance of combatting GBV multi-laterally and collaboratively.

IMG_6780

Following the presentations we had a stimulating discussion with the attendees. We discussed possible activities, funding resources, and partnerships. We also received a tremendous amount of moral support. Everyone was extremely keen on being involved and helping evolve this plan which began in a small room with four people sitting around a single desk. So, at the very least this meeting has shown that we are capable of filling up a much larger room with many more people (around a much larger desk). We look forward to seeing where this journey takes us! Stay tuned!

What is gender-based violence?

Whenever venturing to tackle a problem (particularly collaboratively), it is absolutely integral that such a problem is adequately defined.

So, what is gender-based violence?

The European Institute for Gender Equality defines it as such:

‘”Gender-based violence” and “violence against women” are terms that are often used interchangeably as most gender-based violence is inflicted by men on women and girls. However, it is important to retain the ‘gender-based’ aspect of the concept as this highlights the fact that violence against women is an expression of power inequalities between women and men.’

To break it down,

‘“[G]ender‐based violence against women” shall mean violence that is directed against a woman because she is a woman or that affects women disproportionately[.]’

[V]iolence against women” is understood as a violation of human rights and a form of discrimination against women and shall mean all acts of gender‐based violence that result in, or are likely to result in, physical, sexual, psychological or economic harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life[.]’


Specifically, gender-based violence is:

Breast ironing

Acid throwing

Domestic violence

Female Genital Mutilation

Foot binding

Forced marriage/ pregnancy/abortion/prostitution

Human trafficking

Bride burning

Dowry death

Honour killing

Femicide

Infanticide

Matricide

Sexual assault

Rape (date, gang, genocidal, war, marital, etc.)

Sexual slavery

And the list goes on. All of these things affect women and girls exclusively or disproportionately. These are terrifying and, perhaps, foreign concepts to many people. But, perhaps, the most important thing to understand about much of gender-based violence is how normalised it can be. Many women and, particularly, young girls who are victims of such violence continue to think that they have never experienced gender-based violence. This is because many forms of gender-based violence is ingrained in societies around the world. In many cases, such violence is even protected by law. This varies in extremes and from country to country. But women around the world (rich, poor, all ethnicities, and from first to third world countries,) endure some form of normalisation of violence against them. Which makes gender-based violence exponentially more dangerous.

I’ll leave you with an extremely powerful video entitled Dear Daddy that explores this normalisation and how it is up to us all, men and women, to break the cycles of normalisation that allow gender-based violence to continue in our countries, schools, neighbourhoods, and homes.